Bucketful of Wrong

In doing other, other job, you know…as VP of Marketing at a scrappy, little start-up called Inquisix… I came across a delightful example of just plain WRONG advertising from yesteryear…

Look at it. Read the copy. (I’ll wait.)

One. Easy. Piece.

Oy vey.

That is a whole bucketful of wrong. I can hardly restrain myself from doing a little forensic marketing for this delightful little poly-cotton blend schmatta (drip dry!)  So folks I ask this… what the HELL was going on in the 70′s to make THIS OK?

This is what happens to Mad Men, a couple of decades later. working off a groovy three Piña Colada fondue lunch.

It also points out how far we’ve come baby. BTW, that’s another fave 70′s ad campaign– Virginia Slim’s “You’ve Come Along Way Baby,” where it applauded women’s evolution from housewifery to emphysema and lung cancer (Hooray!)

But in this day and age it would not work now would it?

For one we’ve evolved socially (and can I hear a “Hallelujah!?!”)  Now, we are all about the subtle in marketing, being “authentic” and engaging in conversations with customers, both potential and existing. This ad is as subtle as the scuzzy loser at a bar who hits on anything that moves. Surely making an “Impression,” but not a quality impression– not  a smart marketing move today, especially in a brutal marketplace with shrinking ad budgets and customers that are more elusive than ever to reach.

Also a misstep like this would be heckled, dissected and properly thrashed via the Internet, blogs, YouTube, Google, Facebook, Twitter. As it rightly should. Brutal, but take a look at it. Daaaaaammn.

There is the added caveat that the One Easy Piece, as a parody, a hysterical contrast to the real ad image/copy, would totally rock.

Mad Men & The Liquid Betsy

Ahh, courtesy of AMC’s Mad Men (go to the site, the background music is worth it.) I got to  envisioning life in the era of Mad Men-  TheBetsy, functioning alcoholism, unfettered sexual harassment, a good martini, freaken fabulous (and fabulously uncomfortable) clothes.

Can you spot me? I’m the smokin’ hottie blonde in red, holding the ‘tini at noon.

“Rawrrrr” is all I can say. This career girl is goin’ places.

(To quote Mae West “Good Girls go to Heaven… Bad Girls go EVERYWHERE.”)

Cheers Snookies.

Dear Chica Who “Snatched-Flashed” My Husband

When: Couple of days ago, Lunchtime

Where: Apple Store at CambridgeSide Place

Next (Unconfirmed) Showing: Wednesday, 1:00 pm E.D.T. (RSVP may be required, please see below)

_______________________________________________________________________________

Dear Chica Who Snatched-Flashed My Husband:

Thank you. You made his day.  My hubby came home with a big grin and good story. And I get some good SEO for TheLiquidBetsy.com.

Sweet.

So here’s the breakdown: just minding his own business, stalking some innocent Apple computers, researching home-audio… He looks over to see  (BAM!) your crotch dusters open to the dark & curlies with the good-lookin’ owner  (you) beaming at him. Oh, he’s been flashed before (Miami, breakfast at a diner… but it’s Miami so that’s like saying he saw someone pick a booger.)  And up until now, it’s always been just boobs.

Well to say you gave him a big ego stroke is an understatement (versus a stroke, which, thinking about it, there might be high correlation in Miami of elderly strokes to flashing incidents… just a thought.) He’s a hottie (which I’ve already know,) but now he has (recent) third party confirmation… at the Apple Store no less.

So I plan on sending him again (I’ll come up with a reason… he’s a techno-apple-geek so that’s not hard) next week, say Wednesday? 1:00pm? You just bring the crotch-duster jeans and your smile. You may even have a rather large and enthusiastic audience this time. You can thank me later.

Hmm, perhaps this the new grass-roots in-store marketing campaign for Apple? Like they need it… how about other more-needy stores sponsor? Sort of like the secret shopper…. with more flash.

Thanks again.

Cheers.

TheBetsy

Oh, if you’re interested in attending the next… um show let me know. Hit the comments. If i get enough I’ll set up some sort of event RSVP. Bring your $1 bills, though I’m not sure she’s in it for the cash. Or your credit card (for the Apple Store.)  Drinks later at The Cheesecake Factory.

Full disclosure: an not sponsoring this event, nor am I being sponsored. Though I may totally hit up Apple & Cheesecake Factory for a kick-back if a lot of you eager beavers show up.

Everyone should have a top 50- Here’s Betsy’s

Fat-Ass Jeans- Think of it As Another Business Benchmark

These Could be My Fat-Ass Jeans

(Warning: this is about 10% business, the rest is self-indulgent.)

I’m wearing my Fat-Ass jeans. Again.

I think I’m on week 3. Week 2 of “The Diet” (enough said.) I can’t fit into anything else. Refuse to buy a bigger size. I am the walking fashion damned.

All women have them. These Fat-Ass Jeans. I think the male version is the elasticized  shorts or sweats. They’re the Maginot Line for your weight. The last line. The final stand. They are the warning of unacceptable hugeness on the horizon, and with Summer Bikini Season it’s time for action.

Oh, and God forbid we can’t fit in the Fat-Ass Jeans (for brevity will herein be known as F.A. Jeans.) Def-Con 5, Red Alert People. Desperate measures will have to be taken.

So chatting with my friend Suzy about my F.A. Jeans, (Day 27 of wearing them, I have two pairs I interchange so I am at least… clean) I found an amusing parallel between my predicament and business.

No, really. This is what I think about.

We all have limits. In business there are endless ways to quantify our position, cash-flow, balance sheet. Same goes for personal vanity. The F.A. Jeans is my personal limit (I could have it be BMI, weight, how much fast I can run a mile, but the F.A. Jean it is) just as ROI, P/E, Debt/Asset, EBITDA is to business. Unacceptably high (or low) and you’re in the Fat-Ass Jeans. Time to re-evaluate, re-commit, re-engineer, reorganize and get back on track to profitability and your skinny jeans.

How did I find myself in the F.A. Jeans? Not paying attention. Just as in business, an attitude of “Just this time” or “One time Only” and not paying mind to the game at hand. It is a slippery slope into the land of delusion and being in the red (F.A. Jeans.)

So, like with rehabbing a business I am rehabbing myself- one day at a time. Watching my cash-flow, In-flow and expenditures (boot camp helps at bit.) Lately I’ve been having a glass of wine and not running, time to re-commit again.

Think I’ll write a blog post about it.

.

.

(And HUGE credit goes to Rochelle Karina for the photo above, and for being my butt-double. She has more cajones than yours truly. You can see the original posted HERE at Rochelle’s blog .)

Thomas the Tank is my Homeboy.

Thomas the Tank Engine

Thomas the Tank Engine is my homeboy and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

I’ll let you in on a working mom’s dirty little secret- TV is our friend.

Sometimes our best friend.

I know what you’re thinking, and I’d think it too. I also thought I’d make my baby’s organic food from scratch. Then I had twins. You can BUY organic baby food.

So here I am working at this awesome little Web 2.0 business referral networking start-up, Inquisix (really, you should check us out if you’re a small business owner, sales person or connector. Honest.)  I have a pretty great job but like with all things I wear a lot of hats. At a startup we all do.

"We connect businesses to MORE business"

In addition to being the head of Marketing I also happen to be chief concierge, triage nurse, umpire, chef, social secretary, health department, party planner, stylist, educator, trainer, chauffeur and head-supreme cuddler to three super-cute kiddos (one set of six-year old twins and one two-year old who thinks he’s six) and one Golden Retriever named Ginger-Girl. I love all four desperately but I’ve chosen to  also pursue outlets outside of my family to preserve my sanity, intellect and creativity (though some argue Shrinky Dinks are creative, I say no.)

I should also note that I am a glutton for punishment.

So it’s no great stretch to say my cup runneth over, which it does and often spills everywhere. I don’t plan it that way, it just happens. In fact, I pride myself on being super efficient. One doesn’t have multiples and not get inefficiency beaten out of them. The best laid plans get blown to hell when it’s a snow day.

So in a pinch, I just find ways to make it work. And if necessity is the mother of invention, this mamma invents. Quite a few phone meetings are done while feeding the baby cookie-after-cookie to keep him quiet, or creating syssiphisian tasks involving emptying and filling the same laundry baskets over and over, and art projects involving the almighty Froot Loops (keeps little mouths AND hands busy!)

But when I’m really desperate, I’ve turned to TV.  Though I’m not proud of it but if something absolutely had to get out the door, Thomas the Tank Engine got opened up. 

I heart them all-  Thomas, Henry, Percy, Gordon, Edward, James, Salty, Bertie, Emily, Molly, Harold the Helicopter, Sir Topham Hatt right down to the stinky Diesels and Troublesome Trucks. They have all saved my skin on a few choice occasions.

So, if any other working mom tells you they don’t use TV as even an emergency babysitter, they are flat-out lying. Or have full-time super-nanny style help. Even on my off days I throw on Word Girl (awesome show, the best intro song ever) while I’m making dinner for the entire trio. Most moms do that.

Word Girl and Captain Huggy Face

I do have standards. I pretty much stick to PBS Kids Go! and sometimes Noggin. Rarely Disney (excepts occasional Little Einsteins) and Cartoon Network (though I DVR Star Wars: Clone Wars for special “movie treats.”) Both seem either one giant commercial or they have a ton of commercials for crappy toys that leaves the kids whining, which defeats the purpose.  I learned the secret to using TV as babysitter from a friend years ago. She’d deny her kids TV except when she was going out, they were so excited to watch TV they forget to get all hysterical and teary.

The real trick is deny them until you really need it. That’s why it’s a DEFCON 4 or 5 in my book if I’m turning it on during the day.

If your not a parent and made it this far, I thank you. If you are one, you’re probably laughing and nodding in agreement. You start off a parent with the best of intentions, the best of plans, you read everybook, buy everything new, disinfect the cat… but  like the arrival of an unexpected snow day, you learn to adjust the plan. You have to.