The meaning of Halloween…

Lions and Tigers and … alien predators Oh MY! (Thanks bestinteriordesign.com for the very cool pumpkin pix)

Sometimes the Business of Life is… being freaked out, but in a nice way.

The meaning of Halloween by child-rearing expert Sue Sylvester.

(Hey, did anyone see the Glee Rocky Horror episode? Beyond fab.)

Happy Halloween my friends.

Off Monday, prepping for the big-time Tuesday “Election Smack-Down!”

Back to regular MWF posting after. Cheers!

Deconstructing A Crappy Promotion

Sometimes The Business of Life includes … making fun of bad marketing (at least for me.)

So the local Simon Mall is doing a event to drive traffic into their South Shore Mall.

And it was a fail.

The mailing piece I received announced “The South Shore Soirée.”  Attractive card, beautiful girl on the front, obviously they spent some coin — it was heavy plastic, including a convenient punch-out “credit card” listing the basics.

Then you read it.

First off, The “Soirée” is from October 28-October 31st.  Fine and good. But if you read the list of special events they have special “giveaways” for each week from 10/28 THROUGH 11/24th. What?

Oh, there’s also a “Ladies Night Out” on Oct 28th from 5pm -9pm. Which I think is a part of the Soirée, but how would you know, it’s highlighted separately.

Well, it  seems a lot of stuff is going on. On one marketing piece.

So here is what I think went down:

• Limited budget
• A large scope of goals
• No adult-supervision

Look, everyone is dealing with tight budgets in this economy. We all want to get a lot accomplished. But there is something to be said about having focus.  Something I think the Simon Malls people lacked.

So I can tell you this, this creative is was so confusing it was actually set aside rather than going into my “circular file.”  At first I thought it was me. End of day, too tired… I must be missing something. Nope. It’s them. It’s just bad, lazy creative.

Even more egregious, they don’t even have it listed on the mall website (though it’s Facebooked.)

And with this FB fan update, I think it’s off to a bang-up start:

Herding Cats (or was that kids?) and Hockey

The Business of Life includes… the kids.

At least my business does…

I use to make fun on the mini-van sportin’ the “Mom’s Taxi” bumper sticker. I mean freakin’ ridiculous. First off, it’s a minivan people. A minivan!  And the nutty sticker!?!  Who lives like that?

Umm, I do. Minus the nutty bumper sticker. (I do have my standards… however far they’ve fallen.)

Practicality wins out. While minivans are no Hotrod Winnebagos they do the job nicely — which is hauling a gaggle of kids around to the various activities I’ve signed them up for. I totally rock the car pool now too.

Oh yeah, I’m that kind of awesome.

Last night was a HOCKEY night, which to my fans not living in the Northeast, is a BIG DEAL. Rinks filled with hundreds of kids padded up to look like oompaloompas. And their families. My eldest son, Mr. Man, worked his drills while his two siblings, The Toaster and Baby Lug, ran around with a pack of what is called “Rink Rats.”

Fueled by combo of drive-through fast food and just this side of toxic slushies the “rats” entertain themselves with bits and bobs of lego, Happy Meal toys, dolls and whatever they find.

The whole environment kinda both fascinates and scares me.

You know the hard-core pros at being a Rink mom (and rat for that matter). They know how to get in and out of a rink in less that 10 mins which is saying something when it takes yours truly 15 mins to get her son suited up. You also see those that view this hockey thing as more than just a fun activity. There are parents that view this as the one way, the only way their kid is going to college. I know of 6 year olds that “red-shirted” kindergarten to make them that much older/bigger/better in high school hockey. Really.

My “holy crap!” moment (sort of my version of Oprah’s “Ah-ha” moment but much more visceral) was when I heard of summer camps that have the kids do hockey in the morning then spend the afternoon doing workouts like windsprints, suicides drills and push-ups. Hours of it.

WTF? This isn’t Russia, circa 1978 my friends!  My family’s not getting a better apt or a better slot in the ruling Party pecking order. What I see is a direct flight to the hockey version of a 17 year-old  burned-out Todd Marinovich. And the money!  Oh Jesus, how I often threaten to add up how much these people are paying for the training they want their kids to do… for the next 10 years. Perhaps enough to go to college in the first place? Make a nice dent at the very least…

Then I look at Mr. Man, laughing and enjoying it.

And I figure, heading the kids, the rink rats, the money, the extra training….

As long as he’s into it, so am I.

HOTROD Winnebago

Nothing says sexy efficiency to me more than a '73 Winnebago…

The Business of Life is… dealing with reality.

Form vs. Function.

The classic argument.

It’s also the classic internal argument for LeBetsy.

Halloween party. Yesterday. Bunch of Moms discussing the age-old problem… the pain of schlepping the kids to activities: the waiting, dealing with the bored younger (or older ones), and the bored Mom-sydrome.  This becomes most apparent with ice hockey as nothing gets to you (and the other ones being dragged along) more  than being trapped in an ice-box like environment for hours, which is on a regular basis.

I stand by my solution of 5 years ago, first formed when I was toliet-training my twins.  Screw the mini-van, what hard-working, front-line parents (moms) need is… a Hotrod Winnebago!

Yes I wrote WINNIEBAGO.

Think about it: these beauties have a bathroom, a kitchen, comfy couches to lounge on, a TV, I’m sure you can hook up a Wii, a stereo, a bed or bunks for the little ones (you)  to nap in.

OMG, wrap it up ’cause it’s perfect!

I know, I know… “but it’s a Winnebaaaaago Betsy!” you whine.

Well, whining doesn’t get you anything.  At least with me.

But I’ll humor you. Yes, a Winnebago is not the sexiest car out there and when some bitch drives up in a Range Rover (well, not my friends who drive Rand Rovers, they’re all very nice but you know… the OTHER people that drive them —  the ones both you and I hate) you just wince at the idea of rolling in with your Hotrod Winnebago.

Function vs. Form my friends, ’cause when it’s hour 2+ and her kids are trying to light each other on fire for both fun and warmth, you’ll be warming up hot cocoa in your Winnie’s microwave, reading the latest “O” Magazine, while catching up on Dexter on the DVD player.  Laying on the couch.  Or perhaps you’ll be ordering Christmas presents on the laptop while the infant is asleep.  Wow you are like, Super Mom!  Whatever you’ll be doing in that Hotrod Winnebago it’s going to be a hell of a lot more efficient and fun than that bitch freezing her tiny pilate-toned ass in the bleachers, screaming at her kids not to set the baby on fire.

You’ll be the envy of the rink. Or the field. Especially when it’s tournament day and you have an hour or so between sessions and games.  You can make lunch for the kids, pop a beer (you know they don’t sell those at the overpriced crappy food stand!) and enjoy yourselves.  Efficient AND thrifty! (And perhaps a little tipsy too…)

I say “sexy is as sexy does”… and at the end of the day my friend, you and your Hotrod Winnebago are going to be the sexiest things in the parking lot.

(Umm, that didn’t come out exactly the way I wanted but, well, you know what I mean.)

Viva Hotrod Winnebago!

CPR for Everyone Else- So Save a Life Why Dotcha?

Just me practicing me some CPR…

The Business of Life includes… being prepared.

As a mom of seven year olds means Brownies and Boy Scouts.  I’m currently planning to take a gaggle of little girls to visit a rather cool women-owned bakery, Ginger Betty’s. It’s supposed to be fabulous.

And it also means LeBetsy is learning LeCPR.  And Le First-Aid.

And this is a very good thing.

It’s required by the Girl Scouts of America, and after I started this process I realized that The Business of Life includes being prepared.  And it probably does for you too. Think about it.  We’re around children, we hang & work with people, we have aging parents.  Accidents happen.  Strokes happen. Heart attacks happen.  And I hate to say it, but given recent natural and man-made disasters (hello terrorists!) happen, — we ALL should get trained.

So learning CPR/First Aid shouldn’t be painful.

And the Red Cross has made it (relatively) easy.

Gone are the crazy amount of class time.  Those clever peeps at Red Cross have come up with the most efficient way to learn how to save a life. It’s called blended learning. Part online and part in-class, it really makes the most of your time. I’ve completed 2/3 of the home-work and this weekend I’ll be spending 3 hours working on technique in a class room setting. It is was dirt cheap. $50 for both the on-line and in-class portions.

Easy-peasey and super-convenient. So much so that it’s become a blog post.

So chickies, there’s no excuse not to be a hero.

This really is CPR for Everyone, and believe me, everyone needs CPR in their life — for their family, their friends, their coworkers and even for the random old guy who has a heart attack while running. (This last one really happen, and a woman running by saved his life with CPR, which his wife, children and grandchildren are very, very grateful for.)

So save a life why dotcha?

To find a Red Cross blended-learning class near you click HERE.

Little More Glitter Died…

Lord, how could seeing THIS not be a treat?

Sometimes The Business of Life is… mourning the passing of a dirty & fabulous thing.

It came to my attention today that one of my favorite dirty & fabulous places closed… The Liberace Museum in Las Vegas.

And sugar, it don’t get much more dirty and fabby than TLM my friends. (Double negative intended.)

On September 17th the museum shuttered the glitter —  mostly due to the economic downturn, and the board of directors choosing to focus on the singer’s foundation and scholarship program.

I’m only sorry that most of you missed out on a rare treat of both sequins and over-the-top gaudy glamour (Bob Mackie eat your heart out) and what can only be described as the most amazing people watching this side of Dollywood.

Ok, ok, ok… I made up the Dollywood part only because I’ve never been there, but it’s like Graceland on Mother’s Day type amazing people watching.  Which I have done.  And recommend.

I totally blame my sister for this one.

She called me, from a pay phone in Las Vegas, having ditched the hubby at blackjack — or whatever he plays when he use to go — and went exploring. She happened on the gem that we’re chatting about here. The Liberace Museum.

A treat above all else, with glittery, insanely bedazzled costumes that only a closeted queen could love (and wear), furniture and lifestyle gaudy and over-the-top even by Las Vegas standards, and then there was the people! Oh, the people that arrive busload to worship a man known as “Mr. Showmanship” by his fans!  Small town American, Lawrence Welk re-run lovin’, matching themed-shirted (colorful rugby won the day I made my pilgrimage) honest folk.

It was almost too much for my sister to stand. When I say she called me straight from the museum, I mean I think she found the first phone she could and dialed me, knowing I worship all that is kitsch, dirty and fabulous. Why?

It was all and then the kicker that sealed it.

“Ma & Pa” middle america in matching luau shirts, standing in front of this photo:

It was the end of the tour, they’d past the sequined Fourth of July hot-pants, seen the furs that trailed so long a glittery mini-car carried the end of the train, saw the ornate gold EVERYTHING furniture… so Ma & Pa stood there sighing…

and then Ma said with an *extra* heavy sigh…

“It’s too bad, he had never found the right woman.”

At this point my sister lost her shit.

And called me.

And I had to visit.

And I understood.

Believe me when I say to you: this past Sunday, a little more of this world’s glitter died.

(A moment of silence)

Honestly… is this just not the essence of Dirty & Fabulous?

Yes that’s the infamous 4th of July hot-pants and you can own it! It’s  Liberace: Your Personal Fashion Consultant, makes for a great stocking stuffer and comes with punch out paper dolls.

High Noon at the Dinner Table. (Ungrateful Children Part 23)

Sometimes The Business of Life is… dealing with the ungrateful children that I love.

So even though I’m on Clean Detox doesn’t mean I’m not cooking regular meals for the family.  Detox or not, with 7 year-old twins and a 3 year old, meals can be a challenge.  I make delicious home-cooked to-die-for (really, early Clean Detox this was tough) and they … turn their noses up.  They prefer hot dogs to braised short-ribs, boxed mac and cheese to the homemade gourmet version, canned green beans to gorgeous, freshy-fresh salads.

So, after tonight’s “high-noon” stand-off,  I’m done with it.

Before my husband and I were doing a “eat it or don’t” approach: they eat the dinner before them or they don’t eat. But it’s the sighs and the whines that are really getting to me — it’s their attitude stinks.

So now, I’ve put their favorite weekly dinner on the line — Saturday movie & pizza.

So here’s the deal.  Each meal’s being graded. On their attitude at dinner for the week.  The system is based on one at their school: check +, check, or check -.  They have to take 3-4 bites to “try” something. No whining, hemming and hawing or delay tactics and they get a check +.  Mostly good behavior equal a check.  Poor behavior gets the check-.  Any check – ‘s and they lose the movie-pizza night BUT if they get checks and a check+ they get the movie-night WITH sundaes.  More check +’a and they get more treats on their movie-pizza night (invite friends, popcorn, etc.)

Gawd …  I hope this works.

Have faith. Be kind.

Sometimes The Business of Life is… having faith in the outcome.

I think kindness is underrated.

I also think sometimes we have to relax and just let things work out… and have faith that it will be OK.

In these scary times, of brutal elections and worrisome economic data, it isn’t hard to fret.  But I firmly believe that stress is an energy we give off, and attract more of,  as I also believe also is kindness too.

You attract what you are.  Stressed, happy, sad, freaked, annoyed, angry, unpleasant or kind.  Kind of new age-y, but if you’ve been reading me I’ve had more than my share of all of the above and believe me — you create your story even before it’s told.  It takes a leap of faith, especially if you’re having a rough patch, to say it’s all going to work out.  But it does.  Maybe not right now or exactly what you wanted but it does and it will.

Have faith in the future.  In yourself and the life you want.  Envision it, feel it and file it away but have confidence that the fates are working for you to make it happen.  Also be kind.  To yourself and others.  So many of us are working under pressure and stress.  Take the extra moment to help someone.  Not only do you feel immediately happier but it can be the beginning positive chain-reaction others-helping-others.  And that’s not a bad thing…

Have faith.

Be kind.

DETOX: A Wayne & Garth “Game on!”

Sometimes the Business of LIfe is about… GETTING AMPED UP!

It’s ON!

Got the blender folks.

It’s day 5 of my 2nd Clean Detox.

The last one I did (and blogged daily) for 30+ days.

Now I have the new, much more high-tech super blender. I’ve been blending my way AM and PM for the past 5 days and it’s been, overall, pretty great.

How quickly you forget the highs and lows of starting a Clean Detox- for instance my skin got clear right way (yay!) and, day 5, I am craving chocolate and baked goodies — preferably a combo of the two (Boo!) In the past I also had some flu-like symptoms (headache, chills) but, since I have a cold right now, it’s to tell if it’s the cleanse or I’m just sick.

I’m also doing the cleanse this time with a partner, the fabulous “Flamy.” She’s originally turned me on to Dr. Alejandro Junger’s book and Clean Detox. We’re going to try to work out a program of shared cooking as we’re often both too busy to make from-scratch soups/meals every day. It will be nice to share the load.

LeBetsy.

Blender.

Day 5.

Defintely “Game ON!”

And as for the title– here’s the scene from Wayne’s World, “Game On” (apologies for the quality, it’s the best that youtube could offer.)

Links to Items Featured on TheLiquidBetsy:

Oh Happy Columbus Day!

Seriously gorgeous Fall. (Thanks to wilburton.com for the picture)

I love Columbus Day.

Not for Columbus but what it means….

A DAY OFF!

So today LeBetsy is taking off for part unknown, enjoying Fall as only New England can produce. And for my fans from the South and West, nothing, and I’m mean NOTHING, is like Fall in the North East.

NOTHING.

Explosion of colors, crisp air, apples.

So off we go.

I suggest you do the same.