Hot Bundle of Toxic

So it’s been a month.

I guess I should say “I’m sorry.”

I abandoned my blog. I’m sure there are a million good reasons (and some bad ones) of why I haven’t written.

But in the end, that doesn’t really matter.

The “Now” and “Going Forward: do.

As some of you might know my father is valiantly battling cancer. His cancer echos that of my grandfather.

My birthday is coming up.

These two “Come to Jesus” factors have forced me to reexamine how I’m doing thus far. Professionally, personally.  To tell you the truth I’d thought I’d be doing “this living thing” better. What I found is that TheBetsy is pretty toxic. Toxic in thought and form. I’ve been flirting with changing my thoughts: less complaints, more positive intentions. So far those experiments have been extremely helpful. But still…

My father’s cancer made me take stock of my body, my health, my actions. I found that I am quite a hot , haute bundle of toxic. I’m tired, irritable, unfocused, still carrying the baby weight (and the baby is almost three folks,) stressed, with a few jiggly, wobbly bits. Things are starting to ache. Funky allergies and skin reactions. More prescriptions. I’m exhausted in every way a person can be. I am existing but not really living. In the moment. For the future.

“Perhaps this can change?” was the question that I kept asked myself. How do I want to live going forward? Accept my life as given or make attempts to change.

Some things I can’t change right now and some I can.

Action won. Change won.

So the next few months I’m pretty much dedicating myself to writing about this. The pros, cons, “jebus-get-me-some-goddamn-chocolate” tormented moments. .If you think you might thinking along the same as me, that you need to change, consider me your own personal scout or an experiment. I am flirting with the idea of posting the whole dirty business: BMI, Before/After (Love those… on other people ,but when it’s yourself, well…) I also could use the support.

Wish me well. More to come in the next few days.

Ciao Baby!

One Response to “Hot Bundle of Toxic”

1. Donna Calhoun says:

   January 11, 2010 at 2:14 PM

   Okay, I’ll bite. i’d like to have a more “sober” attitude towards work. There, I’ve said it! It is in the universe, and the Liquid Betsy is going to hold me to it!

   Take care, and for what it is worth, I don’t see you having any of those dubious qualities you described!